The way I see it if you are over the age of 30 and don’t have emotional baggage you haven’t lived. By that time I had a great job, good friends, a long history of relationships, alcohol, drugs. I had my own place and things that I was involved in. I had a life, not a great one, but I had a life.
So now at 40 I can look back and realize all the things that should have made me a bitter man, yet they didn’t. I think I was high enough or not clear headed enough to know that there was anything wrong. I’m so glad I was that stupid. I could have turned into a really nasty man.
One of the things that happened along the way was my heart turned hard. Even in my last relationship I wasn’t completely open. I kept things in check and never really expressed myself, I wanted him not only to love me but like me. See in past relationships I didn’t feel liked.
So now that after 2 years of being single I am finding myself looking for love again I also want to be liked. The struggle starts when I start to do or say things that will make the other person like me. Even if that means that I feel gross about myself.
I’m gonna enjoy it for a bit longer… The being too cute and sweet. The being so agreeable and pleasant. The being thoughtful and courteous. Until the first time I pass gas by accident or leave a dirty dish in their sink and then we’ll see if I’m still liked.
I’m sure I will but my inner voice tells me I will push away. Ignored and in the end left aside and hurt. That alone should deter me from falling in-love again… I’m very stubborn and I want to get on that ride again. “The Love Ride” that turns your stomach and gives you a head ache… Yeah!!!
I’ll take a season pass to “The Love Ride”…