Archive for January, 2011
When you live in the world of alcoholism and drug abuse as long as I did there are certain things that you don’t have on your priority list. Traveling, parties, shopping sprees, you just learn to do without. There are more important things on your ‘To-Do’ list.
Then you clean-up, sober-up, shape-up and you realize that there are so many things that you want to do. Now that your brain is clean and clear your list changes. The things is that some things may have been neglected and it’s gonna cost more time and money to fix them.
I’m there now and I’m scared. Not, ‘I’m running out of time and the bomb will explode’ scared. More, ‘This is my first time on this roller coaster and I don’t know what’s gonna happen’ scared. Does that even make sense? It does in my head so work with me!
Too all of you out there that are on a path of Recovery and still younger than me. It works out, in the end it always does. To those of you older than me, tell me it works out and that it always does.
I would like to go sit at a bar and have a cocktail and pretend that I’m thinking about a way out of this one. The only thing I would be doing is digging myself in tighter into a hole that’s too small for me now. How so? Well, I’m not that scared anymore.
I’ve discovered what a beauty Recovery is for me. I say “For Me”, because it’s not for everyone. So I’m gonna take what I’ve learned in Recovery and use it in all my affairs!
I have this vision that God has our names on sand clocks. Each one with a different amount of sand. All of them falling and counting down our time on Earth. When all the sand is gone we pass away. Our death may be peaceful and long or dramatic and fast.
For some time now I feel like I’ve run out of sand but somehow no one has noticed. Which of course is silly because God knows everything. Or maybe my Guardian Angel has some pull in Heaven and got me some extra time to do… Well, I don’t know what but do something.
Am I the only one that thinks that? It can be… I know for sure that more than one person in the world has the same idea. Surely you must ponder on how the God, The Universe, Allah, Buddha, or whomever you pray to determines who lives longer and who dies.
Why does this come up as a topic today, well, because I had this urgency to see as many people as I could and make it home in time to beat traffic. I got to see 5 people without thinking. I noticed more folks that I know. Made it past the traffic just before rush hour.
I don’t know what one thing has to do with another, but I just feel like the sand is running out, if it hasn’t yet and I need to get things done. If something should happen to me at least you know that I am ready. If it turns out that it’s just indigestion, well forget this post.
I just know that 2011 has so much promise, I owe my self the opportunity to do as much as I can!!!